Movie Reviews

Here is my summer movie roundup, based on what I've seen so far.

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith: 4 out of 6

WOW! It was good! I am totally shocked by this. Just wow. The lightsaber fights were wicked awesome and the Anakin Obi-Wan duel was soooo impressive. Everything I wanted it to be... well... except the whole Emperor / Midi-Chlorian / Ani's Daddy shit... fuck that. Edit those 5 minutes out and I'll give it 4.5 outta 6. With those 5 minutes it only gets a 4.

Batman Begins: 7 out of 6

Holy fucking good movie Batman! With Joel Crossdresser nowhere to be found the ultimate Batman movie has been made! I always loved Keaton as Bats but Bale completely blows him out of the water. What a great movie! Liam Neeson is an acting God, and not one member of the cast blows. Solid performances by everyone. Even Katie Holmes being associated with Tom "You don't know, I do" Cruise didn't ruin this movie for me. I guess he's only destroying his career right now, but I'm sure by next summer he'll take her down with him. This is definitely the best, must-see, kick-ass summer blockbuster this year. Go see it.

Now.

What are you waiting for?

Now.

Land of the Dead: 1 out of 6

Back from Batman now? Good. Let's continue... FUCKING AWFUL SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT BALL LICKING TEN DOLLAR STEALING PILE OF MONKEY FECES FUCK YOU ROMERO SHIT SHIT FUCK CRAP HATED IT SCUM SUCKING WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME. No, I don't have Tourette's that's just how bad this chunk of turd sucked. Don't see it. Avoid it like you avoid your weird drunk touchy-feely "Uncle Bob" at family reunions. I'd give it a zero, but I love zombies too much to do that.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith: 5 out of 6

Another strong summer movie. Brad and Angelina have so much chemistry on-screen that you can't help but assume he's plowing that field for certain. C'mon, look at her. Even my girlfriend would fuck her. Tell me you wouldn't try given the chance? Anyhoo... The actual movie itself was really entertaining. I thought this one would be overshadowed by the whole "He left Rachel, She's a whore" tabloid shite, but it wasn't. Good story, good action, hot stars. Can't go wrong there. Go see this right after Batman.


That's it for now... If you want more reviews send me money so I can go see more movies. Paypal it to morph1138@hotmail.com. Make sure you send at least fifty bucks so I can take my girl and get some popcorn. C'mon... you know you want to. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

- R