Why Hordak was great...

Anyone remember this scary motherfucker from the 80's? I remember the first time I ever saw Hordak and how much I thought he could seriously lay the smack down on Skeletor, He-Man and She-Ra at the same time. This guy was the coolest! For those of you not in the know Hordak was the leader of the Evil Horde which invaded Eternia back when He-Man was still shitting his pants. Hordak kidnapped Prince Adam's twin sister, Adora, and took her back to Etheria. He left behind his second-in-command, Skeletor, to repeatedly get his ass whipped by Prince Adam and his talking cat. Hordak raised Adora until she became aware of her previous life and became She-Ra Princess of Power and began handing Hordaks ass to him on a weekly basis. This guy had so many cool powers that there is no way She-Ra should have ever had a chance of realistically defeating him. Where Skeletors powers were magical Hordak was more scientific. He could change his hands into powerful razor blades and buzzsaws or turn it into a freaking cannon!!! Wow!!! How could anyone beat this guy?? Apparently quite easily...

In the new He-Man cartoon Hordak only made one real appearance where he was an evil warlord from the early days of Eternia who battled King Greyskull and was sent to the dark dimension of Despondos (Fuck they come up with some shitty names for things). There he trained Keldor in the dark arts. When Keldor had acid splashed in his face, ala Harvey Dent, Hordak used his magical powers to save him but his face was destroyed. Hordak then renamed Keldor Skeletor and was owed a favor to be named at a later date. When Hordak called on Skeletor to free him from his prison Skeletor double-crossed him in classic bad guy fashion and tried to trap Hordak in Despondos for all eternity. What a dick!

One day I'm sure Hordak will rise up to once again lose his never ending battle against Eternia and all those nancy pants fuckwads who stand in his way. Until that day I will be eagerly awaiting his return...

- R