To Boldly CG What No Man Has CG'd Before...

So I am not sure yet if this is sacrilege or if it's gonna work out to be pretty cool, but CBS has announced that they will be giving the original Star Trek TV series a face lift with all new computer graphics. Apparently they will be changing all of the space shots to give the Enterprise a more realistic look. Now I don't know if this is going to look silly or not based on the fact that the actors will still have bad make-up and the sets are still very 60's vision of the future. The biggest thing I have a problem with is that Alexander Courage's original opening credits song is also going to be replaced with a full orchestra version of the classic tune. What the fuck, over? This has got to be one of the strangest ideas I've ever heard. It's not even for a DVD release but for a new syndicated run. Will these even hit DVD? Will every one who forked out hundreds of dollars for TOS have to double down? Mick Okuda, author of numerous Star Trek reference guides, has this to say, "We're taking great pains to respect the integrity and style of the original. Our goal is to always ask ourselves: What would Roddenberry have done with today's technology?"

Fuck him and fuck integrity. The appeal of classic Trek (the only series I really ever liked) was how cool it looked. No CG, no bumpy-head Klingons, no overhauled opening credits, no Han shooting first... Whoops. Wrong poorly done CG overhaul. There is also supposed to be added background and scenery to make everything look more fleshed out and realistic. Is nothing sacred in Hollywood anymore? They remake everything cuz there are no new original ideas in Hollywood (just look at what happened to Planet of the Apes) or add "new and improved" effects shots for a younger generation. If this continues are we expected to see Gilligan's Island look more like the set of Lost? Or perhaps the Golden Girls will have digitally added walkers? Fuck why stop there! Let's change such classics as Leave it to Beaver by digitally manipulating Wally and the Beav into people more hip and contemporary. Give the Brady Bunch a face lift and create a realistic backyard instead of Astroturf. Hell why don't you just CG Jar-Jar into Mayberry while you're at it you heathenistic cock smoking fuck holes!

There is a reason things are classics people. These are no longer the classic movies and programs we all grew up with. Lucas really opened a can of worms with those Special Editions back in '97. A big can of worms. And what do worms taste like? Shit, my friends. Worms always taste like shit.

- R