Ok... Here we go...
Let's see where to start? It's been a crazy few months... What to talk about first? Howzabout all that interesting T.V. this fall? Then maybe some movie reviews...
My Name Is Earl: 6 out of 6
Easily the freshest, funniest, most original new show on T.V.! Jason Lee is a comic genius. He is truly one of the greats. The show is about him winning the lottery and trying to make amends for all the bad things he has done which include such things as: Stealing a car from a one-legged girl; Harming and possibly killing people through second-hand smoke; Faking his death to break up with a girl and Costing Dad the election. There are so many more things on his list that are even funnier. Ethan Suplee also stars as Earl's dumb brother, which makes two View Askew alumni in this show... How can you go wrong? Tuesday nights at 9 people! Fucking great.
Lost: 5 out of 6
Ummm... Huh? So now there is a computer that controls something but we don't know what? And some guy named Desmond that has been there the whole time? And tons of food in the mysterious hatch? Wow. This show continues to surprise and confuse me and I guess that's why I love it so much. This season has started off with some major twists and turns and even more to come! Next episode someone dies at the hands of another Lostie! Ooooh it's gonna be so good!
Smallville: 5 out of 6
Oh yeah baby!!! This is it!!! The best season ever!!! Aquaman? Yes! Brainiac, as played by Spike? Yes! The Phantom Zone? The Fortress of Solitude? Evil Lex? Yes, yes and oh sweet God yes! GENERAL FREAKIN ZOD?!?!?! FUCK YES!!! My inner geek truly takes over when this show is on. What can I say? Supes is my favorite. So far we've seen him get his Fortress and lose his powers then punch Lex not once but twice!!! Right in the fucking face!!! Take that you diabolical genius! Clark and Lana finally get together after playing that storyline to the Nth degree... Hopefully more surprises to come this season with a major death in the 100th episode! Jor-El said there would be consequences Clark... Why didn't you listen? Why Clark? Why? Now this is happening...
Invasion: 2 out of 6
I'm sure this show has promise but I can't seem to stay interested in it past the first commercial break... So fuck it. It is garbage as far as I am concerned, and I'm pretty sure my opinion is the only one that matters... It has to be the biggest lead up to nothing I have ever seen! And I watched Ishtar! Watch Threshold instead. Way better. That one is a definite 5 outta 6. Actually watch anything instead. Flush the toilet for an hour and watch the water spin. Even that would be more entertaining and there would be no pesky commercials.
Dane Cook: Retaliation: 7 out of 6
This man is the funniest man ever! Even better than Carlin and Leary. Not one, not two but THREE FUCKING DISCS!!!! Two audio CD's and a DVD!!! For 20 bucks? Run to the store and get this! You want it. You need it. You can't live without it. If you don't own this CD you might as well step in front of the next bus, because life was meaningless before Dane Cook. I have been listening to it in my car for the last couple of weeks and I still laugh like a little kid playing with bubble wrap. He talks about naming his kids Optimus Prime and Megatron, shitting on the coats at a party and his first blowjob. I laugh so hard that at stop lights people are looking into my car thinking I must be insane, but they are the ones who are insane for they know not the joy of Dane Cook. Get it. Now.
40 Year Old Virgin: 6 out of 6
OOOOOOOWWWW!!! KELLY CLARKSON!!! This guy is easily the next Will Ferrell, and if you don't like Will Ferrell he's the next Jim Carrey. If you don't like either of those guys then fuck off and never come back to my website you no taste having piece of poop. And not regular poop. You are the bad post bar poop. Leave. Now. For the rest of you this is the funniest movie to come out in years. Even better than Wedding Crashers, believe it or not. Steve Carell even went as far as to let them wax his real chest hair for one of the funniest scenes ever. This show is so good it has got me watching the Office as well... For those of you not in the know, it's his sitcom that is on every Tuesday night right after Earl. The ultimate comedy 2-pack.
Hmmmmm... Kinda noticing that I haven't really hated anything lately... That could be in part to the fact that for the first time in a long time I am so fucking happy!!! I have got the greatest girlfriend in the world and she treats me amazingly and my friends and family (well the ones she has met) all seem to really like her. Now that may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people out there, but if you really knew my track record you'd be fucking amazed. They usually hate anyone I date. Even Graeme thought she seemed nice. EVEN GRAEME!!! And he hates everyone... So yeah I'll try to think of more things to review and tear apart soon... Maybe complain about something some dumb fuck did...
Like the short stack of cunt that blamed me for the fact that between her and her boyfriend they'd been in 5 accidents in the last 5 years and never paid any of there speeding tickets. Fuck you and fuck your dumb ass boyfriend and your stupid little car. Fuck your mom for not being pro-choice and fuck your dad for not knowing how to work a condom. It's not my fault you can't drive. Now buck up and pay the penalty or get out of my office and SUCK MY BACK BITCH!!! Looks like when she wrote off her last car Natural Selection took a day off... dumbass.
To all my homies; Keep it real
To all my bitches; Where the fuck my money at?!
- R
posted by morph1138 @ 10:52 AM
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