Ghosts of Christmas Past...

So another Christmas has come and gone. I got some pretty fucking sweet swag this year... Two things from my list! YES! O.C. Season 2 from Joey and The Complete Calvin & Hobbes from my Ma. Turns out she actually does like me! My girl got me Fox & the Hound on DVD and 90's Trivial Pursuit. What a hard fucking game that is! Holy shit... I thought I paid attention in the 90's and I was so fucking wrong. I guess the only things I was paying attention to was how can I score more beer and who was bogarting my muthafuckin j. Wow wow wow. So hard.

Yet as another Xmas has passed I can't help but remember all the cool gifts I got in the past... Maybe it's just that nostalgic Christmas feeling or maybe I am just bored and feel like writing. Anyhoo let's stroll down memory lane together and look at my top 3 Christmas toys from the past...

1) Sectaurs



Anyone else remember these crazy bugmen that rode these big fuckin bugs? They were the Warriors of Symbion and wow were they ever cool. What with their serial like TV ads that presented the ever unfolding saga of the Shining Realm of Prosperon, locked in mortal combat with the Dark Domain of Synax. Me and Tyler got one each one year and battled all Xmas morning with them. They were made by Coleco which I always thought was weird, and mine was Weapons Expert Pinsor and his Battle Beetle. One of the coolest things was that you could slide your hand into a glove that was underneath the bug-mount to simulate it creepy crawly legs and activate it's giant pinchers which were just big enough to grab your siblings by the arm and pinch them really friggin hard. How can you go wrong with a toy that has a weapon that is a weapon? Fucking sweet!

2) Lazer Tag



PREPARE TO ENTER THE LAZER TAG ACADEMY! This stuff was the shit! All you get to start with is a Starlite pistol, a StarSensor and some dumb fucking belt / bandoleer thingy but you could buy so much more! A rifle! A helmet! A super keen padded vest! And of course the best part was it encouraged you to shoot other people! I can remember running around the backyard with this clunky belt strap shooting at my lil bro who was also shooting away trying to be the first to score the kill. Then we moved to setting up the StarSensor and seeing how accurate a shot we are, with quick draws and shit. Way better than that knock-off half-baked Photon toy set that tried to steal Lazer Tags mojo. That game taught me all about marksmanship, so if the day ever comes where I shoot someone with stunning accuracy to save your life? Don't thank me, thank Lazer Tag.

3) Talking K.I.T.T.



Now to be fair this one was Tylers present but we all played with it. It was a big Knight Industries Two Thousand or K.I.T.T.. When you pushed the license plate on the back it would say snazzy phrases like "I shall activate the Turbo Boost" and "Scanners indicate danger ahead". It also came with a big ass David Hasselhoff figure to drive around and fight crime with. How can you go wrong with that? Mr. Baywatch immortalized in plastic for all eternity. And the hair was replicated with such detail... oh God the hair...

Well that's all of them for now... Maybe I'll run a post soon about all the other toys I wanted for Christmas or birthdays but never managed to get my greedy little hands on.

- R

Come and knock on our door...

Ah the beauty of classic TV. As I sat on my couch last night watching my Season 1 DVD of Three's Company I realized TV shows these days really suck some seriously big fucking nuts. Remember all those classic shows? The Greatest American Hero? Petticoat Junction? All in the Family, Who's the Boss, Degrassi, V, Mork & Mindy, The freakin' Cosby Show?!?! Now TV is nothing but a vast wasteland of crap with the occasional oasis of C.S.I. or Lost. Now you may think it is just nostalgia that makes these shows great but it's not. They actually stand the test of time. Sure Jack Trippers wardrobe may be a little dated and the Fonz greaser look is a thing of the past, but everything else is great! Most of these jokes and stories could have been written yesterday.

In the glory days of yesteryear we had Marc Singer killing lizards dressed as humans, an alien that drinks with his finger, Tony Danza ruling his home with an iron fist and Cliff Theodore Huxtable imparting his knowledge on all who care to listen. Now we have Freddie Prinze Jr. doing God knows what, Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer raising a bunch of dumb kids and some comedian named Rodney living in average middle America with his family. What the hell is that crap? Freddie Prinze Jr. was barely a big screen actor, let alone a TV star. Charlie Sheen? Fuck man... Spin City was one thing but this is just atrocious... That Heidi Fleiss thing must have fucked him hard. And some stand up comedian doing a TV show about living in poor suburban middle America... I liked it better the first time when it was called Roseanne.

I'm not saying all new shows suck but the quality and originality went way down hill. We have endlessly recycled garbage from old shows that in most cases were much better the first time around. Is this a new thing? No. There are some who used to say Sliders was a poor man's Quantum Leap, but does anyone remember Time Tunnel? The original time jumping TV show? Or the new hit Ghost Whisperer? I watched it three years ago when it was a little show called Tru Calling. The list goes on and on but in the end almost all TV show premises are taken from a great hit in the past. The only shows that are really "outside of the box" are new comedies like My Name Is Earl, Arrested Development or The Office (which is actually a British show originally, as was Three's Company. Coincidence? I think not!). I just hope that one day TV network execs and hack writers will try to find fresh new types of TV shows to appease the masses with, but it seems like they find one good idea from twenty years ago and endlessly recycle it. Or they find a new hit and spinoff the hell out of it ala C.S.I.

But really to be fair I think we all know that all TV show ideas are derivative of the smash blockbuster hit The Jeffersons. :P

- R

Government Street Eye-sore...

So I was downtown the other day on Government Street and was walking around basking in the glow of the Christmas lights adorning the trees on the sidewalks when something caught my eye. Something incredibly unattractive and offensive. A 7-FUCKING-11!!! Good God! Have any of you seen this eye-sore? Christ... I love the shops on Government with their quaint little storefronts, so warm and welcoming and then BANG! Bright fucking white walls and a giant neon 7-11. Who's brilliant idea was it to allow this corporate monstrosity to blight the downtown landscape? There is a Mac's a few blocks up and another 7-11 just as close. As a lifelong Victoria resident I am completely offended by this. Weren't we cleaning up Government St.? Getting rid of the hookers and junkies and stuff that were everywhere in my youth? Now we have given them a 24 hour hangout! WTF mate? I just can't see how this is a good thing... There aren't really any places near there that would require a 24 hour convenience store... Unless of course they start selling metal spoons and surgical tubing for that special kind of downtown clientele...

Mel Gibson's Dad is a dick

So I read this today:

"A report in Tuesday's New York Times that Mel Gibson's Icon productions is involved in producing a four-part miniseries set against the World War II Holocaust has predictably raised eyebrows among critics. Gibson's movie, The Passion of the Christ, was assailed for allegedly including anti-Semitic elements, and Gibson has never repudiated comments by his father, Hutton Gibson, whom critics describe as a "Holocaust denier." Rafael Medoff, director of the David S. Wyman Institute for Holocaust Studies in Melrose Park, PA told the Times: "For [Gibson] to be associated with this movie is cause for concern. ... He needs to come clean that he repudiates Holocaust denial." In an interview with Daily Variety ABC exec Quinn Taylor responded that critics ought to "shut up and wait to see the movie, and then judge." The film is being adapted from the memoir Flory: Survival in the Valley of Death, written by a Jewish woman who, like Anne Frank, was sheltered in Holland by a gentile family during the German occupation." Courtesy of IMDB.com

"In his interview on WSNR radio's Speak Your Piece, to be broadcast on Monday, Hutton Gibson, argued that many European Jews counted as death camp victims of the Nazi regime had in fact fled to countries like Australia and the United States. "It's all -- maybe not all fiction -- but most of it is," he said, adding that the gas chambers and crematoria at camps like Auschwitz would not have been capable of exterminating so many people. "Do you know what it takes to get rid of a dead body? To cremate it?" he said. "It takes a litre of petrol and 20 minutes. Now, six million of them? They (the Germans) did not have the gas to do it. That's why they lost the war." Courtesy AFP

How the hell can anyone who claims to be even semi-intelligent deny that the holocaust ever happened? Mel Gibsons dad must be on the same level of intelligence as Sean Penn's character in I Am Sam. Or maybe even Jodie Foster in Nell. To deny the holocaust proves one point: You are an uneducated boob. Mr. Gibson needs to go to the library (if he can read) or even Blockbuster for fucks sake and rent Schindler's List or any other WWII movie for that matter... ARGH! Somepeoples ignorance just makes me wanna punch them in the mouth with a sledge hammer.

- R

Weekly update

Well this Xmas list is already working! Joe got me O.C. Season 2, so now there are only 8 things left to get me people! Let's hurry it up Christmas is right around the corner!

In other news today marks the 25th anniversary of John Lennons death. Sad, sad stuff people.

Hmmm... what else... Russ tried to take a picture of me today and I found it disturbing. Also I saw the X3 trailer. Looks pretty friggin awesome! The quick shot they showed of Magneto tearin up the bridge was pretty snazzy. There's no new Lost episodes til Jan. 11th so I'm kinda pissed off about that I guess...

The big news I guess would be that my friend Sarah from Texas (but I don't hold that against her) is coming to visit soon. I will have to take her to an all you can eat buffet while she is here because that girl loves to fucking eat! Watching her and Nat go at a plate of food is like watching the Discovery Channel when a lion takes down the weakest animal of the herd. It is fast, ferocious and a little arousing.

Hmmm... Turns out life has been boring lately... Nothing really interesting to say. I'll try to think of something and post more later today or tomorrow, but for now paperwork calls...

- R

Buy me things!

Ok! Christmas time is rapidly approaching and in an attempt to get stuff I actually want for a change I will be posting my Xmas list on here. You people have no excuses now. I even made it easy for you. Just clickity click click on the links.

1) The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

This is one of the coolest things I have ever seen and anyone who gets it for me will always have a special place in my heart. Whoever doesn't get me this will also have a special place... but it will be closer to my asshole.

2) A Green Lantern Power Battery

Available at comic stores everywhere, this is a perfect gift for a big fucking geek like me.

3) X-Men Legends 2 for Nintendo Gamecube

Make sure you buy the Gamecube version! Unless of course you are also buying me a PS2 or an X-Box... which leads into:

4) X-Box 360

I'm pretty sure this is on just about everybody's list this year.

5) World Peace

Just to show I am not a selfish prick I would also like world peace for Christmas. If anyone pulls this one off I will be pretty fucking impressed.

6) A Complete set of Superman / Batman Series 1

Actually, fuck world peace I want these instead.

7) Chasing Amy Lithograph and Artwork page

These would be very cool especially if you get them framed for me.

8) The O.C. Season 2 on DVD

I already have season 1 and I really really need to find out what happens with Ryan and Marissa. Will Summer and Seth work out there problems? What about Julie and Caleb? Will their marriage survive his legal problems? And what of... well you get the point. I really need this one.

9) A Superman Returns Official Movie Poster

And finally I would like a Superman Returns poster. The official really real one. Not a fucking weak ass dollar store knock-off. Please frame this as well.

And that's it! Only 9 little things, that I feel I deserve as some sort of Christmas bonus from a certain boss-lady for all those hours of hard work. Or perhaps from a little sister or brother who just wants to see their big brother smile on Christmas day. Maybe from that special someone who I love very much. Fuck even from complete strangers for all I care! I just want my shit. So whip out those Visas and Master Cards and get ordering people! Time is short, there are only 24 shopping days left.