Why Hordak was great...

Anyone remember this scary motherfucker from the 80's? I remember the first time I ever saw Hordak and how much I thought he could seriously lay the smack down on Skeletor, He-Man and She-Ra at the same time. This guy was the coolest! For those of you not in the know Hordak was the leader of the Evil Horde which invaded Eternia back when He-Man was still shitting his pants. Hordak kidnapped Prince Adam's twin sister, Adora, and took her back to Etheria. He left behind his second-in-command, Skeletor, to repeatedly get his ass whipped by Prince Adam and his talking cat. Hordak raised Adora until she became aware of her previous life and became She-Ra Princess of Power and began handing Hordaks ass to him on a weekly basis. This guy had so many cool powers that there is no way She-Ra should have ever had a chance of realistically defeating him. Where Skeletors powers were magical Hordak was more scientific. He could change his hands into powerful razor blades and buzzsaws or turn it into a freaking cannon!!! Wow!!! How could anyone beat this guy?? Apparently quite easily...

In the new He-Man cartoon Hordak only made one real appearance where he was an evil warlord from the early days of Eternia who battled King Greyskull and was sent to the dark dimension of Despondos (Fuck they come up with some shitty names for things). There he trained Keldor in the dark arts. When Keldor had acid splashed in his face, ala Harvey Dent, Hordak used his magical powers to save him but his face was destroyed. Hordak then renamed Keldor Skeletor and was owed a favor to be named at a later date. When Hordak called on Skeletor to free him from his prison Skeletor double-crossed him in classic bad guy fashion and tried to trap Hordak in Despondos for all eternity. What a dick!

One day I'm sure Hordak will rise up to once again lose his never ending battle against Eternia and all those nancy pants fuckwads who stand in his way. Until that day I will be eagerly awaiting his return...

- R

Superman Returns!!! 38 Out Of 10!!! 12 Thumbs Up!!!

Ok let me start by saying that this is probably the most perfect superhero movie ever. It has everything! Action, adventure, suspense, romance and a kick ass villain. I may be biased because I think Superman is the coolest character of all time, but it really is that good! Kevin Spacey rocks your socks as Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind of our time. Now when I went into this movie I was worried that I had hyped it up so much in my head that it would never hold up to my expectations, but man was I wrong. I've already seen it twice for fucks sake! TWICE! It just came out on Tuesday! Brandon Routh as Superman was a damn good choice too! He resembles Chris Reeve not just in looks but in mannerisms as well. Kate Bosworth is sexy and smart in this as well, playing my new favorite Lois Lane, and Sam Hunnington as Jimmy Olsen was good as well. If I had to find one flaw in this movie it would be that Superman is a little creepy with Lois. She's moved on, has a kid and boyfriend and yet Superman throws the mack down on James Marsdens woman! He watches their family interact at home after work with his X-ray vision and creeps around her kid's room while he's sleeping! Superman? Supercreepy is more like it! And speaking of Marsden, that poor fucking guy! First he's Cyclops and Wolverine tries to steal his girl and now he's gotta compete with Superman?!?! Poor bastard indeed...

The story is damn near flawless and touches on certain elements of Superman and Superman II without actually being a sequel. The writers have said that it's not a sequel but a reimagining. Fuck that. This is what Superman 3 should have been. Fucking awesome. My only question is what's the next one gonna be called? Superman 2: The other second one? I dunno... Maybe go the Batman route and have Superman Unleashed or Superman Forever or Superman Returns Again. Personally I'm holding out for Superman 2: Electric Boogaloo. Yeah... That would be awesome! In closing I would like to say if you have not seen this movie you should go this weekend and check it out. I think it'll end up being the biggest movie of the year and will leave audiences believing once again that a man can fly.

- R

I love Wednesday

Anyone who reads comics should know why Wednesday is the greatest day of the whole week. New comic day bitches! Nothing is more satisfying than slapping down my hard earned bucks for some kick ass sequential art storytelling. This week saw some good solid story telling on a number of titles. Let's begin:

Magic Teeth Dailies 11

Gareth is just fucking brilliant. His page a day comic book always delights and amuses. Anyone living in Victoria should be reading this, not only to support local talent but also because it's funny as hell and has some very smart writing.

Y: The Last Man 46

How can you not be reading this title? If you are not then for shame I say. For shame. This was the end of the Kimodo Dragons arc and the storytelling and artwork were, as always, spectacular. My only problem with this series is that it's only on for 60 issues. I can't wait to see how they wrap it all up in 14 more issues though.

Superman Returns Prequel 1

Eh. I was actually expecting more than a retelling of the destruction of Krypton. Nice art though, but not that interesting of a read.

Outsiders 37

I really like where they have taken this book in the One Year Later world. Seeing Dick put Supes in his place while "bluffing" him with a lead box that may or may not contain Kryptonite was fucking awesome. He needs to be written as though he is the next Batman and this issue is a perfect example of that.

Civil War: Frontline 1

I am seriously loving Civil War. This is what comics should be, realistic tales of people whether they be super-powered of not. I am enjoying all of the crossovers and hope that this will actually "change the Marvel Universe forever". So many series promise that and very few actually end up doing so.

So that's the best of this last week. Next week I'm seriously looking forward to Civil War 2. This is supposed to be a big one people! Something major takes place in the last few pages. Everyone who reads comics should be reading this issue. 'Til next time...

- R