Check this shit!

Holy titty fucking Christ! Check out the new Spider-Man 3 poster! Just released it features Spidey in a familiar (to comic fans anyways) costume!.That's right true believers! This is not a black & white picture, that is a BLACK FREAKIN' COSTUME! I hope this means that the rumors of Topher playing Venom are going to be coming true... Either way this movie will kick some serious ass! Comment below and let the rumor mill run rampant...



Click above for a bigger version. Oh man this movie is gonna fucking rock! I am so there...

- R

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, Brown paper packages tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite scenes...

Don't know why it says the 9th... This was actually done on Feb. 24th 2006. Weird.

Ok so it turns out I can't review a movie a day... I can't handle that kind of commitment! So instead I have this: What follows is my personal list of the ten best moments to ever grace the silver screen. Some of you may disagree, but in all fairness some of you are retarded too. Feel free to disagree and post comments with why you think I am wrong, even though I am clearly right.

P.S. These are in no particular order... Or are they?!?

1) Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country: Bye bye Kirk!

I know this is gay, but I can't help feeling all sad when Captain Kirk takes the Enterprise on it's final voyage. The end scene with Starfleet ordering them back for decommission and Spock saying "If I were human I believe the correct response would be, Go to hell. If I were human." Then Kirk giving his final order as Captain of the Enterprise "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning." It was such a touching scene seeing these old farts together one last time, and a final farewell to some of my favorite sci-fi characters. And don't forget! Look for a pre-coked up Christian Slater as a communications officer!

2)Kill Bill Vol. 1: That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword.

As soon as Uma Thurman finishes dispatching the Crazy 88's and steps out into a snow covered Japanese garden to face Lucy Liu in one of my all time favorite sword fights is another of my favorite moments. I positively love the scenery, the set decoration, the cinematography, EVERYTHING! This movie is one of my all time faves and this climactic battle between The Bride and O-Ren is just beautiful. Starting off with background music then going to silence as soon as the duel becomes more intense is just brilliant. There is no other way to describe this scene other than beautiful.

3) Superman: The Movie: You'll believe a man can fly!

Watching this scene at the end of the first act with the giant Jor-El head turning to ice in space only to reveal Christopher Reeve in full red and blue took my breath away as a child and continues to do so everytime I watch it. Watching Superman fly for the first time is one the crowning cinematic achievement of our time. It didn't look goofy, it didn't look half-assed, it looked fucking real! Every kid dreams of being able to fly and in the days long before CG and all that crap, it made me believe it was possible. I still get goosebumps.

4) The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring Master Frodo! Master Frodo... I am gay...

Even though Frodo and Sam have more sexual tension between them than any onscreen duo ever I still enjoy the entire beginning of the movie. Seeing all the hobbit homes and the little gardens and everything just all... well hobbit-like is just awesome. The opening half hour of this movie was better than the entire second film! I don't know why I love this opening so much but I do. I really do. P.S. Does anyone else think Samwise and Frodo were the inspiration for Brokeback Mountain?

5) Almost Famous: Hold me closer Tony Danza.

Watching everyone bust out Tiny Dancer on the tour bus while still kinda being mad at each other makes me wish I had a bunch of friends that I could alienate, then jump off of a roof at some party and have them pick me up in the morning just so we could sing some Elton and everything would be ok. Yeah... that would rule. Either way this is just a feel good scene that shows no matter how mad you are at each other friends are friends and at the end of the day you all love each other no matter what. What a nice message.

6)Spider-Man: Go Spidey! Fuck that guy up!

In the first Spider-Man movie right after Uncle Ben gets a cap busted in his ass courtesy of Charlie Carjacker and Petey tears off down the street, then starts climbing up the wall an web slinging his way across Manhatten... Wow... I need a cigarette when this scene ends. This action packed sequence gets my blood pumping and goosebumps bumping more than anything. You know it's coming, Unky Ben has to go and Parker has to confront the burglar, but even totally knowing what is happening next, this part of the movie totally gets me jacked! The score is fucking beautiful and the cg is astoundingly good. I could watch this one part of the movie for hours.

7) The Notebook: Fuck off I'm not gay.

I love romantic movies. Fuck you. And one of my favorite ones is The Notebook, with my favorite part being the ending. I don't wanna spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen this movie so I will say no more. Those of you who have know what I'm talking about. Get's me everytime...

8)Dawn of the Dead: See told you I'm not gay.

The entire movie. Yes that's right. The whole movie. What? Scenes only? Fuck off it's my list, and I make the rules. Start to finish this movie is everything I am afraid of. Zombies. And really f'n fast ninja zombies too! That's even worse than the slow re-re ones in most horror flicks. So if I had to pick one scene though I'd go with the "Get Down With the Sickness" Muzak version montage. Just fucking beautiful.

9) Superman II: Zod! Let's step outside!

Seeing Superman get his powers back then return to the great city of Metropolis is so awe-inspiring. Flying up to the window of the Daily Planet and having Zod and his Kryptonian bad asses charge out after him is one of the coolest moments ever. I also love it when Zod uses his heat vision on the big tucks gas tank and Supes deflects it with the side mirror! Genius! Take that Terence Stamp! I can't wait for Superman Reurns! Can you imagine how cool this scene would be if filmed today? Like the ending of the Matrix trilogy when Ted Theodore Logan takes on Elrond of the high council and flies around kicking ass in the rain? Filmed today it would be just like that scene except for one thing. It wouldn't suck. Matrix is why I will never make a list of the 10 worst moments. 1-5 = Matrix 2: Regurgitation. 6-10 = Matrix 3: Keanu Sucks.

10)Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi: I am a Jedi, Like my father before me.

Couldn't have a list like this without a little SW on it! Of all the scenes in both trilogies I still love the final duel between father and son. Seeing Luke finally defeat Vader and then defy the Emperor by not finishing him off is just awesome. Everything about this duel from start to finish and even after with the funeral pyre on the forest moon is fantastic. As a kid it was everything you were waiting for! The final battle between good and evil and the end of the Galactic Empire. What a finish for these movies. Mark Hamill may be a shitty actor but he really rocks the Luke role. Throwing down his lightsaber and standing before Palpy as a Jedi Knight, then getting blasted with force lightning, as Vader looks on choosing between son and master is so fucking cool. I love this movie. Too bad the prequels sucked balls.

11) Young Guns 2: I shall finish the game.

Fuck you. It's my list so my rules and my top ten has eleven entries. From the moment Doc gets shot and everything goes to hell in a handbasket the end of this film rocks. It is my generations Dirty Dozen, where almost no one makes it out alive. I always get a tear in my eye when Doc, already dying, goes out in a blaze of glory providing his friends an opportunity to escape. Such a great movie, such a sad scene. Makes me depressed just thinking about it. *sniff* poor Doc...

So there you have it. My top 10 favorite movie moments. Maybe I'll do some more top 10 lists... If you have a suggestion for any leave them in my comment area. 'Til next time...

- R

Movie Reviews Part 1

HOKAY!!!! So here goes... all the movies from Monday to Wednesday (which actually worked out to more than one a day)

Back To The Future: 5 outta 6

God I love this movie! How can it possibly be bad when you have Michael J and Chris Lloyd traveling through time in a fucking Delorean? I think everyone has seen this film so I don't really need to say more.

Back To The Future 2: 5 outta 6

This is one of those rare movies that is actually at least as good as the original! I love the whole Biff / Future Biff interaction and seeing Mike play his son and daughter as well as Marty is great. I also love the way these movies are set in the not to distant future that is actually getting pretty close and we have none of this cool tech. It's 2006 and still no flying cars or Mr. Fusion machines! Speaking of future tech, where is my motherfucking hoverboard? I don't think I am alone here! How many of you out there first watched this movie and practically shit your pants in anticipation of the almighty hoverboard? That thing is awesome and really helped make this movie fantastic.

Back To The Future 3: 4 outta 6

Definitely the weaker film of the trilogy, but still very watchable. The old west was a little goofy, what with the whole Clint Eastwood thing, but still pretty good overall. It was a kinda lackluster ending to the whole trilogy and a lot was left unexplained... That and why didn't Doc and Marty just siphon the gas out of the car Doc came back in to put in the one Marty came back in, since both Deloreans existed at the same time. PLOT HOLE!!! They didn't need to push it with a train! Stupid scientist! Anyhoo other than the gaping plotholes, still a decent film. Oh also I forgot! My personal theory is that when Marty burned the Sports Almanac at the end of BTTF 2 he was actually burning the pinup girl mag that Biff had put the dust jacket on, so that way Marty can still make a fortune in gambling! Screw Doc and his no personal gain rules! Why have a time machine if it's not for personal gain? Geez...

Monty Python's Life of Brian: 6 outta 6

These guys have made some of the funniest movies ever made. They completely stand the test of time and are so freakin' rewatchable! Brian, the babe they called Brian... The music is funny as hell, the blatant mockery of religion is funnier still! The ex-leper is one of my favorite small role characters in any movie ever made and the bloody Romans are fantastic. If you haven't seen this movie you are dead to me! DEAD!

More to come!

- R

HOLY FUCK!!!!

Ok... One last post that I had to do... Ever seen Gizoogle? Oh fuck go there now... HAHAHAHAHA You can also check out the Gizoogle translation of Touch-A-Bum here. Funny funny shit people. Fuck. So good.

Being 5 years old...

I just also wanted to share with everyone out there that I cannot stop watching the Superman Returns trailer. It's been almost three months and I still watch it at least 4 or 5 times a day. I am so totally fucking jacked for this movie!!! 144 more days to go baby! I listen to it repeatedly on the laptop with my headphones on and turned up wayyyyyyyyy up (little Friendly Giant ref there). I don't know what it is about John Williams score for that piece of cinematic genius, but everytime I hear it I get goosebumps all up and down my arms. I guess it takes me back to when I was a kid and my Dad took me to see the old Superman movies. Those were some good times and it doesn't hurt that Superman is my all time favorite superhero... I have lost all doubt I had about this movie quite sometime ago and just seriously can't wait. This will probably be the first movie I'll see more than twice in the theatre since Phantom Menace. Another thing that gets me going in this trailer is the use of Marlon Brando as Jor-El doing the voice over. "They can be a great people Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you. My only son." WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!! I just really can't wait for this movie! I feel like a little kid again, and it's been forever since I was this excited for something. I don't actually think I have ever been this excited. Not even for Star Wars! I know that I will be on the edge of my seat with tears of joy streaming down my face on June 30th. Listening to the John Williams theme blasting through beautiful THX audio, feeling like I am five years old again and truly believing a man can fly.

- R

Random crap from the last week or so

Movie review time motherfucker!

Lie With Me: 6 outta 6



I saw this last week at the Vancouver Island Film and Video Festival and I think it is one of the finest films I have seen in a long time... a long time (If you don't get that reference you suck my nuts). So the flick is about this broad named Leila who loves to fuck and in my books that makes her a pretty cool chick. She ends up falling for David (played by Eric Balfour ) and from there it turns into, what I believe to be, a very honest and moving true to life story of finding love, happiness and that special someone. Other cool thing? Filmed in Canada! Fuck yeah! So if this happens into a local theatre where you live, or you have to wait for the DVD make sure you see it. You won't regret it.

St. Martyrs of the Damned: 4 outta 6



Another cool movie from the VIFVF. This one was filmed in Quebec and is in french with english subtitles. Very interestingly bizarre flick. It starts out as something like a horror movie then turns into a weirdo surreal clusterfuck then back to a pseudo-horror again. I don't like it when a movie tries to be to many things. It starts of totally interesting and creepy then when it shifts to it's Lynchian mode the film kinda tapers off. This movie could've easily been a five or a six if it wasn't so fucking long either. 117 minutes was about 47 minutes to long. Now in all fairness this is Aubert's directorial debut so I'll cut some slack there and say for a first try this is really fucking good.

Must Love Dogs: 5 outta 6



Love, love, love John Cusack movies! He is the undisputed king of the rom-com. Diane Lane is hot hot hot for an old broad to! Wow, I was surprised. Other than those two this movie also starred Elizabeth Perkins, Christopher Plummer, Dermot Mulroney and Stockard Channing! Pretty good cast I'd say. Story is cute and charming with some pretty funny scenes with Diane Lane and the children at her daycare being brutally honest about life. All in all if you like this kind of movie go see Must Love Dogs. It is funny and cute and heart-warming. If you don't like this kind of movie you are obviously an automaton with no human emotions and should throw yourself from the nearest bridge to prevent humanity from having to interact with you and your cold dead heart.

So that is all... Starting tomorrow I am going to watch a movie everyday for the rest of the month and review them as I go. So check back for daily updates coming at you, well, everday I guess.

- R

P.S. Blogger spellcheck sucks ass... It alway tries to replace fucking with bucking and motherfucker with motorbike. WTF mate?

Best Blonde Joke Ever!!!

Bes Blonde Joke Ever

Just go there and see... it is Sofa King Good.

Zombies: Fast or Slow?

So if you don't like zombies just stop fucking reading this right now. Ok? Now for those of you who do enjoy a heart warming coming-back-from-the-dead-to-fuck-you-up tale this is for you.

I present the following question to you all: Fast or Slow? Now before your pervy little minds start coming up with all sorts of jokes, I'm talking zombies. Which theory of undead do you subscribe to? Is it the classic Romero zombie who is so fucking slow you can't figure why the main characters in the movie don't just run up and push them over? Or do you enjoy the super fast I just ate a bowl of crack Dawn of the Dead remake zombie?

I personally believe that when the dead do rise up to eat our brains they will move slowly. This fast zombie shit is just too silly for me. I can't understand how being dead makes you as relentlessly strong as the Terminator and as fast as Ben Johnson (when he was on the 'roids, not after). Wouldn't rigormortis set in thereby making the zombie move slower? And also the lack of blood flow would definitely stiffen up some joints. Don't get me wrong though, because I did enjoy House of the Dead, the aforementioned Dawn remake and 28 Days Later. And yes I know that 28 Days Later director Danny Boyle says it's not a zombie movie it's a rage-virus movie, but fuck him. I don't care what he says those are zombies through and through. Stupid limey prick director thinks he's so smart with his little movies... where was I... oh yeah Now this may seem like a silly debate to some, but me and most of my pals all subscribe to the slower zombie theory strictly because if it ever does really happen I don't want them to move that fast. Undead scare me enough without everyone suddenly becoming some coked-up super ninja after they expire. Now what about the Universal Soldier zombie? See I have always considered them zombies because they were dead and then they weren't. This is the very definition of zombie.

Other good zombie debates include which zombie can kick the most ass? Is it Jean-Claude in Universal Soldier, the asshole roommate in Shaun of the Dead or what about that freaky fucking little girl in Dawn? The way she jumps up and runs freaks the hell out of me every time. My personal choice though for zombie smackdown is Jesus, because lets be honest, the whole "son of God" thing gives him a good advantage over the twat that played He-Man.

- R