Celebrity Sighting...

In a job like mine (slinging car insurance at a local Toyota dealership) I never expect to really meet any celebrities. Once upon a time, or five years ago, actress Meg Tilly came in to buy a car for her mom. I have always been a fan of hers and was a little star struck to meet her. I never asked her for an autograph and always kicked myself for it. Fast forward five years to yesterday. She came back in to buy a car for herself and I again recognized her right away. After trying to make some conversation without seeming like a tool, I did her insurance and she left. I wanted to say something to her and paced around like a tool for the next ten minutes or so. Finally I printed out a nice 8 x 10 photo of her and went up and asked her to sign it for me. My knees were shaking and I was totally awkward. She signed the picture for me "To Ron, Best wishes and thanks. Meg Tilly". Then she told me that I was cute and gave me a little hug. I could feel myself go beet fucking red. WOW! Now this may not seem that big to most of you, as she gave up acting in the mid 90's to raise a family, but I had such a huge crush on her when I was younger after seeing her in Psycho 2, The Big Chill, Agnes of God, and my personal favorite Body Snatchers. She is still beautiful, especially for being 45! I'll get a scan of the picture up as soon as I can. Wow. Still pretty elated by this, and I've seen the likes of Kiefer Sutherland, Ali Larter, Mel Gibson, Randy Bachman, Winona Ryder, Clive Barker and Goldie Hawn, but I have never ever been week-kneed by a celeb before.

Still crushing,
- R

Movie Review

So I rented a couple of movies last night. Napoleon Dynamite and I Heart Huckabees.

First up, Huckabees. Wow. This is my new favorite film. An all-star cast, fantastic writing, great characters and brilliant direction. Everything about this movie is spectacular. Mark Wahlberg is definitely the best actor to ever make the music to movies jump. Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin are such an incredible comedic pairing and Jason Schwartzman is phenomenal in the lead role. The only thing I didn't like was Jude Law. I am actually a pretty big fan of Law's work, but he didn't sound right without the accent. You could hear it slip up at times, and I don't understand why he couldn't have the accent in the movie. It would have taken nothing away from his character. I would never recommend anyone to rent this movie. BUY IT! I am going to buy it this weekend and watch it again and again. How this movie was not nominated for a Best Picture Oscar blows my mind.

Now on to Napoleon. What a piece of crap. This is the most overrated garbage I have ever seen. Sweet Jesus this is garbage. Just garbage. I can't really say anything else about this movie. The cast sucked, the main character was an unlikeable shit brick, and the story... WHAT STORY? Shit, shit, shit. That is all this movie is. Shit.

- R

Taxis and Bikes

Here is a little memo to all you cab drivers and cyclists out there: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!! Look I am glad you don't want to drive to work and want to save the environment and all that nice huggy touchy feely tree-hugging crap, but if you are going to be on the road you have to respect the rules of the road. Don't ride through red lights like you own the fucking streets. It's a red light, it means stop. That is pretty simple to follow. Also... I know traffic can be frustrating sometimes but you don't see me taking my vehicle on to the sidewalks whenever I see fit, and you sure as hell don't see me wobbling all over the goddamn road either. If you are gonna ride a bike pay a little fucking attention to your surroundings.

Now... cab drivers. The bane of my existence. Since when are you allowed to stop wherever the fuck you want? And why is it you people are the worst fucking drivers out there? Speed up, slow down. Change lanes, change back (with no blinker in sight). Stop on a busy road, cut someone off when you pull back out (again with no blinker). Who gave these people licences? I understand they have a job to do, but if I drove the way that they do I would probably have my licence suspended. C'mon people, driving is not to hard. In fact it is remarkably simple, but somehow certain people can't quite grasp the concept of that little stick next to the steering wheel that lets people know if they're turning left or right. I can't wait until the day I am rich and I can afford to just plow into everyone of you fuckers that cuts me off. No more slamming on the brakes and screaming obscenities. Just my bumper slamming into yours because you changed lanes without looking and forgot to put your blinker on.

I guess the one thing I can be grateful for in all this is that at least Chinese people don't drive cabs. Fuck... that is a whole other driving rant I can't even get into right now.

- R

The Tribe Has Spoken...

Just finished the first episode of the tenth Survivor and I have to say that sweet fucking Christ I love that show. Palau is fantastic, the people are great and the ones I hated got the boot. I am always good at picking the right ones. At this point I am pulling for Ian and Stephenie. Also, what the fuck is that freak show that sings? Holy shit! I would have beaten her to death with my oars. What a raging tard. Anyhoo... I have to go to Palau. It is so ridiculously gorgeous there. It's also a 48 hour plane trip and roughly 5 grand round trip. Maybe one day... c'mon 6/49...

- R

Rekindled Friendship

So I went out for dinner last night to the Old English Inn. WOW! What a fucking meal. Anyone in Victoria should be going here. It's in Esquimalt on Lampson. It totally blew me away... but be prepared. Dinner for Brooke and I ran just over $200 with tip (and two bottles of wine...).

The best part of my evening came after we left though. When we got home we decided to go out and phoned her friend, who I had had a falling out with about 6-7 months ago. When we got to Evolution she was so happy to see me and gave me a big hug. We all danced and drank, then went to 7-11, then drank some more. I am feeling it today, but it was totally worth it. I am so happy that we can be friends again because I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her again and started talking. I hope everything is better now between us. Thanks for the second chance Jules... I really did miss you.

- R

Lack of posts

Sorry for the lack of posts lately... I've been busier than usual. I will be doing a big bunch of posts this weekend, so keep checking back in faithful readers.

- R

Valentines Day

Well happy Valentines Day to everyone out there. Hope you all get to spend some quality time with your special somebody. I will be working all fucking day as per usual, so I guess Valentines waits until tomorrow this year. That's not so bad though as tomorrow will have 50% off flowers and chocolates and dinner reservations will be easier. Plus it's payday.

Which brings me to the one thing I hate about Valentines Day. THE FOURTEENTH? C'mon!!!! Give us working stiffs who live paycheck to paycheck a break! Almost everyone I know gets paid on the 15th of the month, so of course this lovely little lover's day falls RIGHT BEFORE WE GET PAID!!! Oh well... maybe one day I will learn to save money from one paycheck to the next, but for now... Sorry honey. I work all day so we'll have to do it tomorrow. :P

- R

Why? Just why?

Is it really fair that there are all these talentless hacks making money in Hollywood while we all sit around completely broke? Look at the caliber of some big screen flicks lately...

Kangaroo Jack:
This movie is proof of the old adage of a thousand monkeys sitting at a thousand typewriters. Sooner or later they'll write the same thing they throw at each other. Stinking monkey feces. You know someone high up got blown to green light this piece of shit.

Catwoman:
I can see the meeting on this one:

Studio Hack #1: "Hmmm... How can we fuck up a good comic book worse than Batman and Robin?"
Studio Hack #2: "I'm pretty sure if we eat these brownies I found in my sons room, under his bed while we brainstorm we'll come up with something."

After this fucking disgrace the Academy should have asked for the Oscar back...

From Justin to Kelly:
Big song & dance numbers should be left to people with talent and Disney movies only. I would rather have explosive diarrhea for a week than sit through this retarded cluster-fuck of a 'film'.

You Got Served:
Yeah did I? Well in two more years the stars of this movie can serve me again. And don't forget to put extra ketchup in the bag.

Soul Plane:
Snoop Dogg and Tom Arnold. 'Nuff said.

In closing to all you wannabe writers out there... Obviously anyone can do it. I'd rather see something written by the half retarded inbred banjo player from Deliverance before I'd sit through anything associated with the movies listed above. I guess in the movie biz it's not who you know it's who you blow, and there had to be a lot of swordfights to get these piles of donkey shit to the Silver Screen.

- R

Ignorant parents = Ignorant kids

I truly believe that ignorance breeds ignorance, and no better example can be found than at my daughters school or any department store. What the hell is wrong with people? Everyone always thinks that their shit is more important than anyone else's shit. Trying to get out of my daughter's classroom and to the car is like running an obstacle course full of retarded midgets. You have parents getting their kids to tie their shoes or put their jacket on right in the doorway of the classroom as a line is forming of people trying to get out... GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!! Like C'mon people! If you're going to be standing around don't stand in the way of other people who are infinitely more organized and prepared than you are. I look at the children wandering around outside the class bumping into each other like little lemmings and see their parents doing the exact same thing. Meanwhile, my daughter and I are pretty much the only ones saying things like "Excuse me, please." and "Can I get by please?". Everyone else is just shoving their way through people with no manners or concern for who they are blocking or who they are pushing into. It's these children that will be causing their parents to say "Golly gee whiz... Why is my child so rude?" when they are teenagers. Maybe if you instilled some form of manners and politeness you wouldn't have those problems.

These are probably the same parents who take their children to stores and then dump them off in the toy section to play and consider anyplace outside of the home an okay place for the kids to run wild. Well wake up and put a leash on the little bastards. Teach them to be considerate of other people. Lead by example. If your kid needs to tie his/her shoes then take them aside to do it. Don't do it in the doorway everyone is trying to get out of or in the middle of a busy hallway, that is just rude. Don't let your kid go running around a department store pulling at things and making a mess. Someone has to clean up the mess your kid makes and that is not fair. How many times have you been to a Toys R' Us and some little shit on a bike or pogo stick or whatever goes shooting down the isle almost running into people without a parent in sight? Wal-Mart is not a baby-sitter, it is a department store. Get it straight.

Maybe if children were taught to respect things that aren't theirs, or to be polite and move out of other peoples way they wouldn't grow up into teenage hoodlums with no respect for anything. If you as a parent cannot teach you child manners and respect for others then maybe you should seriously rethink having anymore little brats. If children have no respect as children it will only become worse with age and teenage rebellion and lead to a life of asking my daughter and I if we would like to super-size that. No respect for others leads to no respect for yourself and that is a major problem with people today.

This may seem a little harsh but it all starts with little things like this. I'm not saying these kids will all be social deviants who should be sent to jail (except for that kid with the forehead like a frying pan... he is definitely going to jail), but it all begins somewhere. All I am asking is for all you other parents out there to take a little time and teach your children to be nice and respectful member of society. Just remember you need to lead by example.

- R

I got U2 tickets!!!

To anyone out there trying to get tickets for U2 (which sold out two shows in 35 minutes), there are ticket packages available through this website: http://www.etstours.com/ . They have package deals for sale which are quite a bit more than the ticket costs themselves, but depending on the package they include after parties or hotel rooms and such! Hope this helps anyone who is still looking for tickets! WOO HOO!!! Can't fucking wait!

- R

Trying to drive to work...

Now is it just me or is driving one of the worst things any of us have to do? I mean seriously what the fuck is wrong with other people? You have Grandpa Munster slowing down to 10 in his 86 Monte Carlo at every green light and people driving in closed lanes expecting you to let them in because they can't read simple traffic signs...

I don't mean to go on a rant here (sorry Mr. Miller), but if more people could drive with the skill of the apes at the beginning of 2001 we'd have less headaches on the road. Instead we have Helen Keller on acid screeching from lane to lane without so much as a turn signal. Then on the flip side some people let you know they are going to be turning left fourteen blocks from now, then suddenly turn right. If half of other drivers could somehow mantain a steady driving pace the world would run infinitely smoother and with less headaches. The day the government bans smoking inside your vehicle is the day I trade in my Dunhill's for an automatic assault rifle, because hey... everyone needs stress relief. Now if this continues I am afraid my only answer is to take up golf. Why you may ask? I'll tell you why. Next time I am doing the speed limit and your Honda Accord with the 28 foot tall spoiler cuts me off then slows down to 30, I'll have a wide selection of clubs to Jack Nicholson the hood of your car with. Drive like you know what you're doing or get to the back of the bus. Public Transit is there to keep your negligent ass off of the roads and where it belongs. Sitting next to Gomer Pyle and half the cast of Trailer Park Boys in the back of the fucking bus. But that's just my opinion...

- R

Customers...

How is it that on a day where all of my customers are a refreshing joy and delight from their usual obnoxious ignorant selves, I can get the one husband and wife duo who have obviously switched there anti-cunt pills with retard medicine? I mean sweet Jesus!!! If this person actually benefits society in anyway will someone let me know?

The worst part is they had kids... Little junior asshole versions of Ma and Pa, who insisted on pulling at the cords under my desk. If you don't keep your dog on a leash, keep him out of the park. Same goes for my work and your dysfunctional little re-re children.

But what really gets me is that in the end I'm expected to smile and shake this nice man's hand when he truly deserves a swift kidney punch. Also... How can a woman not be aware of that much hair on her upper lip? Like c'mon!!! If you woke up tomorrow with half a mustache wouldn't you notice? Fuck...

In closing I would like to ask... nay BEG this family to please leave this great city in which I live and drive your nice shiny new pickup truck back to the fucking ozarkes. Sweet fucking Christ I will help pay for the gas.

- R

DVD Covers

So I have found a website : http://www.dagonsden.com/index.php . This website has custom covers for DVD's. I am currently redoing my entire collection. A lot of them are pretty damn cool. Just thought I'd let you all know... even though no one reads this so I don't know who I'm telling this to...

- R

AdSense

Well I've added an ad bar at the top now... Although I don't really know why. Now all the people that don't come here won't click on it so I can get paid... but whatever. Who knows? Maybe in 4 years I'll get a check for 84 cents or something... So if you come here I implore you to click away on as many ad's as possible. Gotta strive for that 84 cents...

- R

BTW: Here's some funny stuff.

On a lighter note... Here is some funny shit I have located on the web:

http://movies.flabber.nl/Madonna.wannabe/

http://media.skoopy.com/flash/flash_0042.swf

and finally:

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/945905/bear.gif

Have fun everyone and btw... Will the owner of the van in black pants behind the receptionist desk please move your vehicle? It's kinda in the way...

- R

Fucking customers...

So I have this customer who keeps phoning me telling me how "disgusting" my place of employment is. Apparently it is my fault that a customer did not send me paperwork that they needed too. They also didn't fill out any of their paperwork properly or submit anything... What the hell is wrong with people? How is it my fault that some dumb broad didn't do what she is supposed to? And how is that disgusting? Also she says that this is something she would never expect from Canada, but she would from other places that she won't mention. What the fuck does that mean? It's not like the whole country has ganged up on her for not doing something that was her responsibility... I mean seriously... People are so dumb.

To quote Randal: "This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

- R

U2 Tickets

Damn... Tried to get tix for the U2 concert in Vancouver today. Couldn't get any!!! They even added a second show and still no tickets for me and my girl. Oh well... she's seen them twice already, but I haven't seen them ever! Look like it's time to hunt for scalpers.

Damn scalpers.

- R

First post!!!

Howdy all... don't know who's going to read this but I'm going to write here anyways. I'm going to use this space to rant and rave about things you probably don't care about and maybe once in awhile post a short story or something. I will be posting nearly everyday so I look forward to reading any comments anyone has on anything.

- R